January 21st, 08
Well today God is helping me through. Today is exactly a year since we lost our last baby. Wow. A million emotions right now…one is this year has flown by with lots of ups and downs. Also I’m thinking we have went a year without getting pregnant and I know what you saying everything is in Gods timing and your right and I totally know that…but that doesn’t keep me from thinking gosh its been a year you know. I haven’t really took the time to stop and think about today till just now I have kept myself busy with working out and reading the bible and getting ready for work that I just think I tried to eliminate this day from my mind…but how can I one of my Best friends birthdays is today…and weird how on the anniversary of losing the other baby its another one of my dearest friends bdays. Something else that is hard is where do I go to mourn…its hard to explain. I know you can go to mourn any where…I’m mourning right now. But where do you go I guess maybe to remember….I mean for people who were actually born into this world you can go to the cemetery, or to the place their ashes were spread. But where do I go. I guess I go to the Lord and ask for peace and comfort. Sometimes I think it takes talking to yourself to realize these things. Well I’m heading off to work. I’m still striving for that 40 lb mark this week I know its going to be tough but I’m really praying I hit it. Thank you Lord for this day and for your blessings! I know you will continue to be with me and with anyone who happens to read this!