Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Hoping for the best...which is Gods will...

January 30th, 08
Today was weigh day and in the past week I have lost 3.2 lbs which puts me at 43! YAY! Very exciting! Today I worked pretty much a double. But I did get up and work out this morning! Also today I asked a couple people close to me to write recommendation letters and when reading them…well I feel awesome about Chris and I and how people preceive us! We are so truly blessed! God is so good to us! I would like to lose 5 pounds between now and next week…I know that is really just reaching for the skies but it could happen!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Needing God's Guidance, praying for His will. Knowing reality could be we don't get her, but another part of the reality being what if we did!

January 29th, 08
So today I weighed and I’m back down to what I was…what a relief, THANK GOD. So I have so much on my mind right now. I’m praying for Gods direction with this and praying that his will be done. Its in regards to a little girl needing a home. Chris and I didn’t even have to talk about it we want to be this little girls parents. There are so many mountains to climb with this. I just pray that God makes everything smooth and that whatever plans he has for this little girl happen for her. God is good regardless of what happens! Lord please be with us during this time, and please do not let us get so emotionally wrapped up in the situation that we lose focus of you! Guide us and direct our steps in your name I pray…AMEN!

Monday, January 28, 2008

Completely bummed out!

January 28th, 08
Well its early on Monday morning and I am bummed. I gained a bit of weight this weekend. Too much going out and stuff. And no it wasn’t worth it….do you have any idea the work that will go into getting it off, and when I already had it off….I’m really sad about it. I’m thinking its mostly water because I ate some sodium filled foods(that’s not happening again I don’t care how much I like it). Well the Lord will be with me with getting it off…I doubt I’m going to really lose this week though because now I have to work on getting back to what I already had…gosh this upsets me…really really does! =( Lord be with me!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

This weekend....

January 25th, 08
Today we are in Flint. We spent some time with our godson. We went to lunch with Sean and Alexis for her bday. Then we headed to snow fest and walked around and took some pics. Then the boys hit the casino and the girls watched a movie. It was a great and busy day. Today was the first day in 23 days that I didn’t do a workout video. Chels told him you should not work out more than 6 days in a row and that your body needs a day of rest…I didn’t want to do it, but I did. I just know if I miss one day, one day becomes two days and two become three and so on. But today was good!

January 26th, 08
Well went to lunch with dad today. Then went to spend time with our godson again and his parents which we love. Played some games. Went home and cooked a big dinner for dad, alexis, sean, krysta and her kids for krystas bday. This was a great time. Then played some games. We are leaving in the morning, which is a bummer. We didn’t get to spend much time with mom and dad this time…that will be what we need to do next time, my parents are the best. They put up with all these peeps in there house over this weekend. I love them…I‘m so blessed. God is good!

January 27th, 08
Drove back to the bend today from Flint. Gosh I hate leaving everyone at home. And Chris keeps talking about Missouri. I will have to do some serious praying about this but I just don’t want to go there unless my parents are coming too. I don’t want to live more than 3 hours away from them…shoot I don’t want to live more than 30 minutes away, so unless God tells me to…I’m not gonna. Today I feel like just sleeping sleeping sleeping. But I’m not going to, I did work out yesterday, and today. Feeling good. But also feel like I ate a little too much this weekend, and I’m praying that I still lose weight. I don’t want a wasted week. I’m missing everyone at home. Missing my hubby because he is working. Guess I will go clean so that I don’t eat! God thank you for this weekend. Thank you for the time spent with family and friends. You know the desires of my heart I don’t even have to ask, you already know what I want and need. You are amazing. And I pray that I have lost weight this week. In your name amen!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bob said....

"Life is like a marathon, its not about your destination, its about your journey."


January 24th, 08
Good morning and YAY YAY YAY YAY! I am so super excited. I hit my 40lb mark today and passed it actually. I am at 41.4 lbs lost. I have lost 6 lbs in the past 8 days…I’m so happy right now with myself and thankful to God. Thank you to everyone who supports me I love you all! Next goal is 50 lbs! I’m hoping to hit that in 2 weeks! I’m also super excited because we are going to Flint this weekend to see a couple friends and go to snow fest in Frankenmuth! I have lots of packing to do and still need to get my work out in. Have a great day! God is GOOD!

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Its Wednesday which means....weigh day!

January 23rd, 08
Well I just got up a bit ago and I’m excited to say that this week I lost a total of 4.2 lbs! I’m so excited. My goal was to lose 4.8 which would have put me right at my 40 lb goal for this week, but I will take the 4.2 gladly! YAY I’m so happy about it. I busted my butt this week and the past few weeks and its paying off. Thank you Lord for being with me and giving me the strength to do this. Please continue to be with me and whoever may read this. Well have a great day! Remember God is GOOD!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Today is good....

Journal January 22nd, 08
Today is going good....this morning I weighed myself even though it isn't weigh day to see where I am at with hitting this 40lb mark this week...and great news I'm at 39lbs exactly so if I can pull out one more pound between today and tomorrow it will be right on...and would be freaking awesome! Like I said before yesterday was an emotional day and on top of that a friend of mine sent me a text message yesterday stating that she was having a girl....of all days right....oh well...I'm happy for her I really am, just still scarred. Todays devotional was sooooo good though! I know God was talking to me through it. I can't remember the scripture right now. But it talked about how God blesses us with children, and blessed is the one who has many...something along those lines. God knew I needed to hear that today. I still trust and believe he has everything under control. God is good....lets pray I drop that extra pound by tomorrow...I have lost a total of 3 lbs so far this week though so far which is yay...see you blessed!

Monday, January 21, 2008

Emotional day...Journal January 21, 08

January 21st, 08
Well today God is helping me through. Today is exactly a year since we lost our last baby. Wow. A million emotions right now…one is this year has flown by with lots of ups and downs. Also I’m thinking we have went a year without getting pregnant and I know what you saying everything is in Gods timing and your right and I totally know that…but that doesn’t keep me from thinking gosh its been a year you know. I haven’t really took the time to stop and think about today till just now I have kept myself busy with working out and reading the bible and getting ready for work that I just think I tried to eliminate this day from my mind…but how can I one of my Best friends birthdays is today…and weird how on the anniversary of losing the other baby its another one of my dearest friends bdays. Something else that is hard is where do I go to mourn…its hard to explain. I know you can go to mourn any where…I’m mourning right now. But where do you go I guess maybe to remember….I mean for people who were actually born into this world you can go to the cemetery, or to the place their ashes were spread. But where do I go. I guess I go to the Lord and ask for peace and comfort. Sometimes I think it takes talking to yourself to realize these things. Well I’m heading off to work. I’m still striving for that 40 lb mark this week I know its going to be tough but I’m really praying I hit it. Thank you Lord for this day and for your blessings! I know you will continue to be with me and with anyone who happens to read this!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Journaling 17th-20th, 08

January 17th, 08
So I stuck to my new plan yesterday with the whole not eating a “meal” meal after 9p. When I got home I had one scoop of low fat cottage cheese along with an apple. I’m sure this is just the boost I need for more fat burning. Everything is great…I have been cooking healthy food and it just feels really good. Amazingly I have grown to love the taste of healthy food….you don’t need to add all that extra crap to a meal to make it taste good…it already tastes good on its own really when you add so much to it your not even tasting the food you made. I am so proud of myself right now…if you know me…you know how far I have come compared to just 3 months ago. God is so good! I know he is going to continue seeing me through! He has placed amazing people in my life to encourage and support me and cheer me on in this time. Thank you Lord for everything! You are good!

January 18th, 08
Last night I spoke to Chels about calorie intake and she said there is no way that I am eating enough and that when you do that it slows down your metabolism into a starvation mode and you lose less weight. In my mind I’m thinking how can you eat too little and lose less weight. She emailed me and told me I only eat about 1300 calories a day and I should be having at least 1800. And then today I was reading the eat clean diet book and in there it says the exact same thing. Chels is so smart(not that I didn’t believe her in the first place). So now I’m having a bigger breakfast but everything else will stay the same except for I might add more fruit here and there. So now instead of just having my protein shake for breakfast I will have oatmeal along with it. The book says you should start your day with oatmeal everyday and a protein and she says either 4 or 5 egg whites or whey protein shake…which I already do the whey protein shake so just gotta add the oatmeal. Things are going good. I did weigh myself…I have only lost a pound so far…I know I’m not suppose to weigh until Wednesday…but I want to be sure to hit my 40lbs total weight loss by this week so I’m keeping a close eye on it. Thank you Lord for the strength and encouragement you give me.

January 19th, 08
So the scale didn’t budge from yesterday to today. Bummer. Oh well…can’t do anything about it except keep pushing forward to my 40lb goal for now. Lord help me get there this week in your name! Well gotta go work out. I added the oatmeal to my breakfast today, lets hope this helps in keeping my metabolism running good and strong and burning fat all day long! Lord I give you this day!

January 20th, 08
Today Chris went to work early…my hard working hubby…he is so great! And I hit the workouts. I counted up and today is the 17th day in a row that I have worked out without skipping! Isn’t that great! I’m so proud of myself…I should be burning some serious calories right?! So today I weighed and I lost a pound between yesterday morning and this morning yay…so I think I just need 3 more by Wednesday…yes I know Wednesday is only 3 days away but with God on my side it can happen and I’m claiming that it is going to…I am going to hit my 40lb this week(by weigh day) in Jesus name! Lord help me get there! I feel great about myself…a little sore which is AWESOME! God has been giving me the strength to get through my workouts and its great! I was talking to Chris the other day and I told him the only thing that I am missing by not going to the gym is the bike. And he said that a lady at his work is possibly trying to sell hers…he is going to look into it. I hope and pray that it’s a good one and that it’s a good price! Thank you lord for everything. Help my hubby stay alert and get through this day! You are amazing God!

Journaling Janurary 12th-16th, 08

January 12th, 08
Today I am in Flint and I have had a million things to do. Well last night dad and I went to see “I am legend” that was intense. Then today started off with mom and I working out, then getting my hair done(which I LOVE), then meeting grandma Doris for lunch and spending some time with her, then stopping by Jeff and Courts salon which was closed by the time I got there, then going to grandma rogers house for a few, then seeing Eli(my godson and his parents), then to go see Jimmy for dinner(took Eli’s mom and dad with), then went to Krysta’s sat and chatted and watched catch and release, then came home sat and conversated with dad then finally went to bed. It was a crazy busy filled day. But it was a good one. I did great with portions….I worked out, the only thing was I had a couple onion rings today and shouldn’t have but outside of that everything was great and I did GREAT! Its getting easier to stick to this plan! Today was great…I’m bummed I’m going home tomorrow but I also miss my hubby like crazy so I’m excited at the same time! Lord thanks for the time I had to come up and visit friends and fam…your GOOD!

January 13th, 08
So its Sunday evening and I’m home. I’m sad I had to leave Flint town, but also happy I will see my hubby in a couple hours. I have lots to do before he gets here. I want to work out and clean up some before he gets home. I had so much fun this weekend….gosh I love my friends…my parents are ABSOLUTELY the best…you won’t find better than them anywhere! Well I just got done doing sweatin’ to the oldies 3 its 55 minutes long and a really good work out! I love it…so yay I worked out even though I planned on taking the day off. Thank you Lord for everything! Goodnight I will see you tomorrow…I have to get up early and exercise before my meeting!

January 14th, 08
Well today I did get up early and exercise…Lord knows I did not want to I wanted to hit the snooze and roll over which I actually did for about 2 minutes and then I got up. I did the biggest loser warm up, low intensity workout and cool down…let me tell you if that is low intensity I don’t know what high is…it was crazy…very difficult but felt so good at the same time….I loved it. Today the hubby is grumpy…he doesn’t feel good and he has worked a crap load of hours I so appreciate everything he does he is the best…I just pray he gets out of this mood and soon!

January 15th, 08
So I know I said this yesterday but I did the biggest loser low intensity again today….”low intensity” MY BUTT! Gosh I could feel the burn…I’m totally not complaining because I absolutely LOVE it! It is a killer though! Today is good….Chris is feeling much better! Gosh I love that man so much, he is so good to me. He says he will work out with me tomorrow…this should be fun…I can’t wait. Thank you Lord for this day…I give it to you!…ps: tomorrow is weigh day and I’m praying I lost big this week…in Jesus NAME! AMEN!

January 16th, 08
Today was weigh day and I lost 1.2 lbs. And I am excited and happy that I lost but at the same time wanted more. I know losing is much better than gaining or evening staying the same. I just expected a little more out of my hard work. Its okay though. Maybe I need to step it up some more. So now my plan is doing what I’m doing….trying to do my best to eat clean….keeping my portions small and everything….this week I started having the whey protein shake to start the day and I’m thinking I will have it end the day as well. So I’m going to say no food after 8 unless its fruit or the shake…so lets see how that works out for me. Thank you Lord for being with me through all of this and keeping me strong. I praise you for it all!

Journaling January 7th-11th, 08

January 7th, 08
Today I worked forever long. But I’m so proud of myself I had a meeting to be at at 9a but I got up early and did the mile booster 2 times and the mile jog. I was so happy with myself for this. I went to the meeting, came home. Cooked for the hubby. He also ordered for me today the biggest loser volumes 1 and 2 work out videos and he ordered me the eat clean diet book and recipe book. YAY! I’m so happy! Well I worked till 2am. I did lots of reading of the word which is great as always! God is AWESOME! In the devo today was a great word. “The best way to know God’s will is to say “I will” to God.”

January 8th, 08
Well as you can see I worked till 2a last night. I was so tired this morning and did not want to get up and today I really started my period about a week late but its here and I’m exhausted…but oh well I still got my fat butt out of bed and worked out. I always feel better after working out, even though I feel like crap. Looks like this wasn’t the month God wanted us to conceive, but I know it will happen in His time.

January 9th, 07
Well I lost 2.2 lbs! YAY! I’m happy….of course I always want it to be more but I’m still happy. God is so good! I worked out hard this morning. I boosted my workout a few days ago I’m working out longer and harder, but that’s just part of it otherwise I will just stay the same and that wont work for me. I can’t wait to get my books and workouts in the mail….I’m so excited…who would have thought this fat girl would be excited about that but I am! Thank you Lord for this day! Let me be a witness for you!

January 10th, 07
Well today my work out kicked my butt. It felt freaking great! Even though I didn’t think I was going to get through it, getting through it felt so good! I’m doing awesome with my food. Eating healthier and healthier. My hubby has been so great and supportive and telling me he is proud of me I couldn’t have asked for better of a man. He is truly amazing. God is so good to me. I’m so very blessed.

January 11th, 07
I’m super excited today! I’m going to Flint. I’m going to miss my hubby like crazy, but he is going to be working all weekend so I would miss him whether I was here or in Flint. Can’t wait to spend time with my mom and a couple friends! Its going to be great. So I will have to update my journal when I get back! God help me to make healthy choices through the weekend…In your name! AMEN!

Journaling January 5th and 6th, 08

January 5, 08
Well yesterday one of my best friends who has also lost 2 babies called to tell me that she found out that she is having a girl and even more importantly that everything looks great and baby Elizabeth is HEALTHY and moving a lot! This is amazing God is sooooo GOOD! I just praise him for this. Yesterday like I said I climbed that mountain and when I came home I did work outs with my bands, and did the one hour sweatin to the oldies 2. I didn’t feel well so I went to be extra early and didn’t get up till a little after 8 this morning. And today I did the 1 mile booster 2 times and did the 1 mile jog. I want to lose this weight so bad and I have to just keep pushing myself. God is helping me so much. Reading his word daily is just what I needed. He is amazing for everything he has done for us and all he is going to do. I just want to praise him! Quote from devo today is “God speaks to us through His work; take time to listen.” I was just thinking while listening to Lincoln Brewsters “God is good” that when I get to my ultimate goal weight…whatever that is…that I should put together a workout video to worship music….just another plan…but if its Gods will it will be happening…I need to pray about it!

January 6th, 08
Yesterday I decided to start a blog page online in hopes of helping others and getting encouragement. I pray God would lead those who need it to my page and if anyone has anything inspiring for me I pray they would also be led there. I have decided to up my work outs from 40 minutes a day to 60 minutes a day. I’m so happy that I can do this. There is no way I could have done these workouts 3 months ago. Also yesterday while at the library I saw this book called clean eating. I do some of the things in it right now, and I need to try to switch fully to this eating style. I keep thinking though gosh I don’t want to give up cheese and sour cream…I guess I don’t have to completely give those up maybe just decrease them greatly! It does seem like the healthiest way to eat and live. I think I should cut down on sour cream and cheese. And maybe just do wings or ribs for every 10 lbs I lose rather than as regular meals. I mean I feel like part of me is like you don’t want to do that…but then I think again its food…and so what…give it up…nothing can be better than feeling healthy, being thin and energetic. I read one of the greatest quotes today in my Daily bread devo. It goes like this… “Our lives are not made by the dreams we dream but by the choices we make.” This is so true!

Journaling January 1st-4th, 08

January 1st, 08
Wow I cannot believe that is it 2008! Its crazy to think that. HAPPY NEW YEAR! Well Chelsea ended up staying the night last night and we just sat and watched TV. We were both sick so I took meds and went to bed and didn’t get up till late today. Therefore I did not work out since I’m feeling like crap and I hate working out when I have company I don’t want anyone besides mom to see me working out. Today I made some resolutions that were inspired by the devotional that I’m starting to read. One of my resolutions is to read the bible every day and pray every day…which should always be a priority I have just plain out screwed that up. Also one of my goals is to continue on my weightloss/health journey and continue moving forward. And my other goal was to be the best wife, daughter, sister, friend, and hopefully soon to be mom that I can be. I also want to read the bible in a year which this devotional will help me do it has a plan for that for your daily reading its great. So todays quote is to Act on my goals/resolutions! Oh yeah and tomorrow is weigh day so pray pray pray!

January 2nd, 08
Today I weighed and praise the Lord I lost 4.6 lbs. I am so thankful! This is such hard work and I’m only getting through with the help of God and through him putting people in my life to help me along the way. Today in my devotional there was this quote that I want to live by each day. It goes like this “Give me O Lord, a strong desire To look within Your Word each day; Help me to hide it in my heart, Lest from its truth my feet would stray.” Isn’t that great. Also “the Bible is the Bread of Life, and it never becomes stale.” Both great! I just want to continue to have this excitement about reading the word and living for Christ each day. I pray it is renewed every morning when I get up. God is GOOD!

January 3rd, 08
Well today has been a busy one. I have been working since 9a this morning and I’m getting ready to go back to work. The boys are acting ridiculous! Its crazy. I don’t feel the greatest and I can tell I’m moody. On a positive note. I am LOVING reading this devotional…its called our daily bread. It also has a one year plan to reading the bible which I absolutely love. I know I have only been doing it for 3 days but I’m loving it! It is AWESOME! The quotes are great! Today’s quote is. “You’ll go forth a little stronger With a fresh supply of grace, If each day you meet the Savior In a secret, quiet place.” Isn’t that just great…I love it. God speaks to those who take time to listen, and he listens to those who take time to pray.

January 4th, 08
Today we had the winter Olympics again and we took the boys tubing. It was great fun. The hill was crazy big and while looking at it I thought there is no way my fat but will make it to the top. Then one of my kids reminded me that I told him I would go down with him. So here my fat but starts walking up. Well I made it, it was tough but I made it….a couple months ago I would have never made it to the top, crazy I only went up once but was proud of myself for it. Most people would be like big deal but for someone who is as big as I am it was a big deal. I have been spotting but haven’t fully started my period yet. Being that we had like no sex this month due to lots of things I don’t have my hopes up for a pregnancy even though I’m late but I really do…with God ALL things are possible! Today’s quote from devo is A Christlike life is a message of hope to a searching world.”

Journaling December 27th-31st, 07

December 27th, 07
Well today is my last day of work for this week yay! Mom is coming down tonight I am so excited so I won’t be writing much for the next 3 days.

December 28th, 07
Mom is here YAY! Today we are just hanging out and enjoying the day. Did some cleaning and not much of anything else.

December 29th, 07
Today mom and I shopped all day long from 11a-6:30 with only a 45 min break to sit and eat but otherwise we walked the entire time. We probably walked at least 3 miles and a couple months ago I could have never done it. A few months ago I would have walked in the mall for maybe an hour if that and would have been so ready to go home but today it wasn’t like that it was great and I still had energy to spare. We came home and started watching some work out videos to see if we liked them and then I just started doing it on top of all the walking we did. I did 50 minutes of a pretty intense work out. It was great I felt so good about myself knowing I could not have done this in the past and now I’m doing it with no problem it was just great.

December 30th, 07
Well today we are only half way through the day so I will add stuff later. I’m doing good and getting back on track after last weeks results. Its okay this week will be good! It has to be I have been working extra hard so there is no way that it can be bad!

December 31st, 07
Today mom is going home which I am bummed about but I know she has to go home at some point. Today is New Years eve and I have absolutely no plans. Just to sit at home and watch the ball drop. Which is fine I would just like to be with family. Oh well. And I have to work today. Mom and I worked out this morning, but I’m really starting to come down with something so I may have to take a break for a couple days we will see.

Journaling December 23rd-26th, 07

Journaling December 23rd, 08
Today we got up at the butt crack of dawn to go to breakfast and then head to Detroit. Of course I was the driver again. Breakfast was great I split it with mom and still had some left over so I thought I did a good job I gave even part of my omlette to Chris so I thought I was doing really good. Then we went to the game. Watched the lions beat the chiefs because of mistakes and then drove back to flint. Boy at this point I was freaking sick of driving. I also hadn't eaten anything since breakfast so I thought I was doing okay because at least I wasn't over eating. On our way to Flint dad gets a call from mom and I can tell she is very upset. But he wouldn't tell me why. So a million things start running through my head. WEll come to find out Sadie and Abe had ran away and she couldn't find them. She went to go looking for them and then they came running up to her...thank God. I felt awful that she was so upset but thats my mom for ya...gosh I love her. So we get to Flint and decide to go to BD's Mongolian bbq and I'm thinking crap I love this place. I know I am going to over eat here. This is when I decided to just get soup and salad and skip the main course. I was totally proud of myself thinking I am awesome for this and blah blah blah. Also I didn't work out but all the walking in Detroit I had to be doing okay right???? We will see. We then went to see Elijah then got ready to head to South Bend. This drive to South Bend was HORRIBLE. I had to drive through whiteouts and I was freaking stressed out by the time we arrived in South Bend...well way before that but it really hit me when we got home. We get here and need my fatherinlaw to move their rental car. We get our suitcases out and he goes through all of them and finds no keys. We call home and mom says they are still there. In my head I was like please Lord no I can't drive that again. I actually went to my room and cried. Well Chris decided that he and his dad would leave early that morning and go meet mom and dad half way. Yes I finally got to sleep...sleep I SOOOO needed.

December 24th, 07
Well its Christmas eve. Sure doesn't feel like it. my inlaws went home and I'm now getting ready for work. Wow does this suck.

December 25th, 07
We took the boys to a waterpark for Christmas so they wouldn't be sitting at the house thinking about how they are here and not with a family. This was great. I ate a little too much today when we went to the chinese buffet. It was only one plate not even a full plate in reality but it was too much. Gosh I'm scared to weigh tomorrow my heart is racing. Today does not feel like Christmas to me. I'm sad I want to be with all the family. I have to find a job that I don't have to work on CHRISTmas for goodness sake. Merry CHRISTmas! Happy birthday Jesus! God thank you for sending your son to this earth for us!

December 26th, 07
I am distraught. I weighed and have lost nothing. I cannot believe this. Wow I feel like I'm crashing emotionally. This is the first week since the beginning where I have lost nothing. And I tried so hard to not over eat with all the eating out and stuff. What did I do wrong. I'm angry with myself, and sad for myself, and I just don't know. I need to just pick up my feet and keep going, but I'm so down about this right now. I will get it together! I'm just sad right now! This is not okay for me! So I went into work today for a meeting. Before I went into the meeting I checked my email to see the response I was getting from my boss about being mandated on New Years eve. Her response was this. It is not a holiday and I will just work it. Nothing more or less. This really pissed me off. I know she was just trying to be a "B" to me. Which is fine. I didn't need her to take me off I just needed a I'm sorry it worked out that way or something. But whatever. If she wants to come in and work it she can! I could freaking care less at this point. I'm boiling inside. I no longer want to be there. I no longer want to be in South Bend. I'm pissed about not losing weight. What the crap is wrong with me. And now I realize I didn't have time for workouts but that wasn't the problem. I didn't have time for God the past few days...and what is this season all about...HIM. I'm busy busy busy because of the holidays but its all suppose to be about HIM. Chris and I had to ask for forgiveness for not making time for what we should and should always be our number one priority. When Gods not in it, it can't be good. Lord help us to never put you on the back burner.Be with me and help me to have a better attitude, I know its okay to be mad but I shouldn't let the anger over take me. God you are so Good! Please be with us. And Lord you know our hearts and know we want to be pregnant...please make that happen. Thank you Lord AMEN!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Journaling Dec 22nd, 07

Journaling December 22, 07
Today we got up and rove to Flint. We then went to Zhenders for a chicken dinner and ended up with gettting this buffet thing. I did okay there, I ate a littl more than i would at home but did great for being at a buffet. Then we went shopping at Bronners. This was so much fun! I love that store. Following this the boys went to the casino and the girls went shopping! Yeah that was fun too! GREAT TIMES! We took lots of picture today! It was great. We went home and our moms crashed but I sat up waiting for the boys which I shouldn't have because they didn't get back till almost 2 and I knew that I had to get up and drive to Detroit in the morning but I waited anyways and probably fell asleep just a bit before they got there. I couldn't sleep throughout the night it was horrible and all I kept thinking was I have to drive in the morning. But back to my diet. I didn't eat any more meals that day after the buffet which was okay but not at the same time. And had no time to exercise today but we did a crap load of walking which I thought would help...we shall see on Wednesday if I should have thought that.

Journaling December 13th-21st, 07

Journaling December 13th, 07
Today is my last day of work for 3 days I am too excited! I mean I love my job and my boys and i will miss them, but I need these days, the people I work with are getting on my nerves outside of Foote and Street. Everyone else is so freaking up tight and defensive and its annoying. Oh well! Today Chris took me to lunch...I did good, just had a ceasar salad. Things are going good. Still trusting God about this baby issue.

December 14th, 07
Well its early so I may have stuff to add to this later. But today I have my insurance meeting this morning. Then another meeting this afternoon. But after that I am off work and I have to work out and clean my house.

December 15th, 07
So I got up and cleaned, cleaned, cleaned and then left for Flint Town! While in Flint I got to meet Madison Elizabeth , and got to hold for the first time my godson Elijah Michael. It was great! What a great day. Thank you Lord!

December 16th, 07
We are still in Flint and the weather is awful and I'm totally dreading the drive home. We went shopping and spent way more money on Eli than we planned. Its okay though we love him. Then we went to visit him and had a great time. Chris love Sean...I think they are going to be great friends! Also a great thing happened today. On our way when we were getting ready to leave Alexis pulled Chris aside and asked him to be Eli's godfather how aweseom is that! I'm so excited for him! He loves that baby so much! YAY! Its been a great weekend now time to go home =(

December 17th, 07
So today I worked out and I haven't worked out in 2 days due to being in Flint! Its okay though because I did an awesome job with my meals! I'm getting ready to head out and get ready for work but wanted to stop and update!

December 18th, 07
Well tomorrow Chris is having surgery on his foot! And tomorrow is weigh day! Praying for the scale number to DROP! Lets hope I don't get all crazy nervous about it again! Still praying for a baby! Thank you Lord for everything! Keep me strong and anyone who is reading this just be with them!

December 19th, 07
So today was weigh day and as last week I was very nervous!!! But I lost 4 lbs! Can you believe it....Thank you Jesus! You are amazing! Thanks for keeping me strong! Tonight was hard I wanted to eat way more than I should. I didn't...but I wanted too, but I want a baby more than I want the food and I want to be healthy more than I want the food and I want to be much smaller more than I want the food! Thank you Lord! Chris had surgery on his foot today. Were praying the test results come back all good! He is doing good but is very grumpy...he doesn't want any direction on taking care of himself, oh well he will hear it whether he likes it or not because its my job to make sure everything heals correctly! See you tomorrow!

December 20th, 07
Today is Abrahams birthday(our dog)! Wow he is 3 years old which is crazy! Today is my last day to work for this week and I have a 3 day weekend and so much planned. Lots to do. Today I decided to do a different work out. I chose Leslie Sansones 1 mile booster! This was great! I loved it. Its half the time of sweatin to the oldies but about 4 times the workout I could feel it so much more the sto...but I have been doing sto for so long now that my body probably needed a switch up!

December 21st, 07
Well my inlaws are coming into town tonight which is very exciting I just have so much to do before they get here. I just got done working out though so were good there. I have to get up so super early in the morning because we are going to Flint in the morning! Oh so much to do and so much shopping to do today! WOW. I just realized I still have to pack! Well I have to get off of here. I will be in Flint till Christmas eve so I will see you again on the 24th unless of course I get a chance to update throughout the weekend. Lord be with me...don't let me over eat being that we are eating out pretty much every meal from today till Chrismas eve!

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Journaling December 6th-12th 07

Journaling December 6th, 07
Today is the second day of my period and I totally feel like not working out and if you are a girl you know exactly what I'm talking about. I did work out though but I didn't do the entire thing especially the section with a million and a half knee lifts...just not good this time. But at least I didd something, when I really wanted to do nothing at all. Its still morning time and I'm loving that I have been getting up as ealry as I have and not sleeping the day away. I'm in a good mood but I'm am extremely angry with our dog. Her cage was moved last night and just close enough that she put her leg through the bars and some how grabbed the christmas lights sitting by the door waiting to be put up outside, she pulled them in her cage and chewed them up...along with her leash...I'm so ridiculously mad at her and want to yell and scream at her but will she even know what I'm mad about at this point??? I don't whats the point then. I don't know I'm not yelling on the outside but I am on the inside. Chris and I are going to get her a new cage today...I'm hoping the bars are too close together for her to get her paws out! Well Lord thank you for today and I'll be back again tomorrow!

December 7th, 07
Today I got to talk to Bill for like 2 hours it was great. We got to talk about my weight loss journey, my journal and everything it was great. We set a goal to lose 100lbs and when we reac h the goal we are going to get the trinity knot tattooed YAY! So lord be with both of us!

December 8th, 07
Today has been a busy day. Had so much to do before work and really didn't have time to work out but I did half of a workout. Then went shopping then went to work. While at work I did a crap load of walking so I'm pretty sure I'm good for my exercise. I can't wait for this time of the month to be over with the way I am feeling so drained lately.

December 9th, 07
I cannot believe it is the 9th of December. After this weekend I will have the next 3 weekends off in a row. I am so EXCITED! Things are busy at work and I'm prepared for the boys to act out being the holidays and all, but I'm praying that they don't. I need to get more motivated in my exercising. I am still doing it but not motivated to do it. And I need to step it up with my exercising as well. Hopefully I can get one of those exercise bands or something. Plus I want to get the biggest loser workout videos as well. WEll I have things to do. It is Sunday one of my busiest days of the week that i work. I'll be back tomorrow! Lord thank you for today. Thank you for your word! It was GREAT!

December 10th, 07
Well I don't have time to type today. I am working working working! See you tomorrow!

December 11th, 07
I didn't work out last night because I was at work till midnight. Yeah I know lame I should have worked out before going to church but I didn't. But I did work out today even though I had a migrane coming on. I didn't feel good for the majority of the day but I made it though. I have to weigh tomorrow...lets pray the scale went down in Jesus Name! AMEN!

December 12th, 07
So today I got up and weighed and I lost 3 more pounds. How awesome is that. I feel like I look bigger but I know its just my mind playing tricks on me. So YAY! I can't beleieve it! Thank you LORD! Now I'm going to go work out and get on with my day but I'ms o happy about this. By the way Chris is taking one of his finals today. Lord be with him through it. Thank you Lord for all you do. You are AMAZING! When Chris got home from school he told me he had this dream that was really weird. He sai dthat we had been trying to get pregnant and I was continuously having my period so never thought I was, he said then all of a sudden we had a baby! He said it was a girl and she was so real and amazing with lots of hair and beautiful. Then I go to work and a coworker says to me I had a dream about you last night. She said you were pregnant and then you had this beautiful baby with lots of hair...I then asked her what is was and she said a little girl. At this point I was thinking wow God is speaking to me or telling me its going to happen soon or something. It was an amazing feeling. I was on cloue nine all evening. Thank you Lord for your promises and for speaking through others!

Friday, January 11, 2008

Journaling November 29th- December 5th, 07

November 29th, 07
Today was a good day at least at home. At work it was difficult, we had 2 potentially crisis situations. But ended up okay so far. I don't have much to say today. At this point it has become just hapit to eat small meals, so I would have to say I'm doing good. However exercising has become more of an annoyance to me I'm not sure why, my mood and everything has been off lately I hope I snap back into place. And even though I haven't been wanting to exercise I'm still doing it I know IT HAS TO BE DONE!

November 30th 07
Well today I'm cooking thanksgiving dinner. Lets cross our fingers that it turns out okay. I wont be writing much this weekend because mom and dad will be here. Even though they will be here I still plan on eating right and exercising as usual. Lord help me not to over est just because there is food to be eaten. Also Lord you know the desires of my heart, you know I want to succeed at this with your help and you know that I want a baby. I just pray that you would have this happen for us...I know you will. You are an AWESOME God!

December 1st, 07
So mom and dad are here so I wont be typing today. See you tomorrow after they leave!

December 2nd, 07
Today mom and dad went home. I will see them again in 3 weeks at the most. Still doing good on my portions. Gosh I can't believe its December. This month will be a yeah since the last tie I got pregnant. Time flies although it felt like a long time now it doesn't. Hard to explain that though. Oh well. I'm tired so I'm going to bed early even though I took a nap today. So see you tomorrow. I plan on getting up early to work out because I have a meeting in the morning so chances are if I don't get up super early and get it done that it won't get done and that is not acceptable.

December 3rd, 07
So I did get up early this morning and work out, at first I didn't want to and actually reset my alarm but then I sat there and thought just get your fat butt up and so I did. I worked out and got ready for work. Went to my meeting, returned home and had my lunch and now I'm just well on here and relazing till I go back to work. I'm so happy I got up early even though I really didn't want to. Thank you Lord for your blessings! I decided to start a daily bible reading log....I should have done this a long time ago but it just came to me today!

December 4th, 07
So today is a good day. Today's word to read was Gen 18....I did not personally pick this it was on a sheet that I had from church from a few weeks ago and I decided that I would do my reading from it. Amazing in this word God tells Abraham that he will return about this time next year and his wife Sarah will have a son. I know your thinking I'm crazy but I believe this word was a promise to me from God. Also a long time ago a word was given to Chris from a man he works with and he said you will be like Abraham a father of many and this is also in this chapter. I feel like this was directly for me. God is good...I pray that satan does not creep in and make me fear or think otherwise. I feel like God wanted us to start being in the word daily and praying more before he could give us this gift/promise of what is to come. Lord I thank you for your word to me. I beleive it and with all that I am. I pray that you would not let me be discouraged. I pray that all fear and worry would leave me in Jesus name! Amen! Lord continue to work in me I feel like I'm getting closer to you through this journey you have planned for me. Help me to not be moody =) Always let me see the good in people. When looking for the good in others yyou find the best in yourself! Thank you God for today and for your promise to are just so great. Lord tomorrow I weigh please let the scale numbers be lower than last week...thank you! And I thank you now for this gift I know you have for us! God you are in control!

December 5th ,07
So today was weigh day and the first day of my period so I was obviously nervous to step on the scale, but....I lost 2 more pounds! THANK YOU JESUS! Gosh I know I say this a lot but God is good! By the way I'm glad that God put on my heart to add my daily bible reading section. Its great...Chris is doing it too...I have a pray request list on the page so that I don't forget all the things I need to be praying for its just great! I have only been doing it for 3 days now and I feel so spiritually boosted its amazing! And I love so much that Chris is reading what I'm reading too and has the prayer list as well. Things are great! I'm obviously looking forward to continuing to lose weight and looking forward to having a baby whenever that comes but I know its coming soon! Well I'm going to work early today to watch my kids at a talent show....this should be great! I'm very excited about it. I'm hoping everything goes good for them. Last night I found out that one of my past kids had been shot and killed over the weekend. I was very upset about this but I know God is in control...I wish I had more answers as to what happened but I will probably never know and will just have to be okay with that. Thank you lord for this day and for all your blessings. Even though I started my period today satan has no hold on me, he is not going to get me down! You are God and I love you...Thank you!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Journaling November 22nd-28th, 07

November 22nd, 07
Today is Thanksgiving and I have soooo much cooking to do. I don't have time to be on here. But I just stopped on to ask the Lord to give me strength and to remind me of my goals. It stinks not being with my family today but my boys (the ones I work with) can't be either and they need me. So be with me today Lord!

November 23rd, 07
Well last night was a blast! Chels and I played in the snow with the boys for almost 3 hours it was great fun! I did great yesterday with it being Thanksgiving and all..I really hardly ate anything...I think I got sick from the soup I ate or something, but that kept me from eating all the other junk so YAY! Today is going good. Chris and I went to applebees for lunch. It was great we ordered lunch combos which are portioned out as lunches and it made it so much easier. I seemed to be hungry all day though and I don't know why. I didn't over eat or anything but something in me wanted to, I just never felt satisfied...but I made it through it. I worked out but not hard I was still very sore from playing in the snow last night. But at least I did a little something. Its better than nothing and I didn't use my soreness as an excuse to do nothing. By the way I can't weit till Chris is done with his class. I know he is thinking about going for his paramedic now which is great and I'm so happy for him...I just completely miss him. I feel like he is not here even when he is here because he is always studying. Hey maybe this is why I wanted to eat all day yesterday. Maybe food is an emotional thing for me...I don't know. I'm so proud of my hubby! He is great! God is good! Getting me through as always. I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me! Thank you Lord!

November 24th, 07
I did not want to get up this morning. I just wanted to sleep all day long but I got my fat butt out of bed and yes I worked out! I don't know why I feel so wore out today its not like I did much yesterday. Even when I worked out yesterday I didn't work out super hard. Must be something hormonal or something. Anyways I did work out. My amazing hard working hubby is doing more ambulance time this morning. So its just me and the dogs right now. I think I'm going to go chill for a bit before getting ready for work. Lord continue to be with me and don't let me take my moodiness out on the man I love more than anyone else! He is amazing and I am blessed to hame him! Thank you Lord for blessing me with such an awesome husband!

November 25th, 07
Today is going good. Always hard to work out on Sundays that I work because of church and then work but I plan on doing at least something tonight. Gosh I have been feeling so hungry the past couple day and I don't know wy. I have been eating healthy and everything but it has to be something off balance I feel like eating eating eating. Usually a few days before my period I want to eat and eat but its not even close to the time so I don't know whats going on with my body but I can't give into this. And I won't give into it. Lord help me through!

November 26th, 07
Well I worked out last night for almost the full video which is great because I pretty much wanted to do nothing. Today is going GREAT! This morning I decided to try on a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to get even close to bottoning up since the day I boght them a few months ago and today I got them on and done up. Now they are compltely tight but I don't care I got them buttoned YAY! Things are going good I'm just very very busy due to work and things I have to go in early today so I need to get going. I MUST WORK OUT TONIGHT! Lord continue to be with me!

November 27th, 07
Well I didn't work out yesterday...yeah I know right. I know I suck but I ended up working pretty much all day and I was wore out when I got home. But I did work out today. We grocery shopped some good healthy stuff. Still doing good but feeling really wore out and hungry lately...I feel all out of wack! But God is still keeping me strong. I'm holding on. I have to weigh tomorrow and I'm just praying the scale dropped!

November 28th, 07
Well its about 12:30p and I have goote so much stuff done today! First I woke up just after 8a and weighed and I lost 1.6 lbs YAY! Then I worked out(I worked out very hard)...I think I was super motivated by the weight loss. Then I went on a cleaning frenzy. I cleaned the entire kitchen and all dishes by hand, then I started cleaning our bedroom. Well the house looks good, I feel good, and I made lunch for the hubby and I. Its a great day! God is GOOD! Continue to be with me today! Also be with street. Thank you so much for being with me through this. Thanks you for the people you have placed in my life to help me as well. You are an AWESOME God and I thank you for everything. WOOHOOO...not sure why I put that but I was feeling it inside. Oh yeah and mom and dad are coming down in 2 days YAY I'm so ridiculously EXCITED!!!!

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Journal November 8-21st, 07

November 8th, 07
Well I got up this morning and I had to weigh because I was so frustrated yesterday...I'm not sure what I was hoping for...maybe for it to say that I was 100 lbs less than what I am...HAHAHA...but it did go down which I was very happy about and that's all I needed. I got up today and worked out pretty hard even though I'm drained and wanted to sleep all day to make up for the sleep I missed the night before but I'm determined to get this weight off of me..and the longer I lay in bed makes it that much longer before it vanishes. Today I am very proud of myself I brought pretty much a whole pizza home for the hubby last night and I haven't touched it...DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS????? Maybe you don't because you may not be tempted by food...but food to me is like alcohol to the alcoholic or smoking to the person who is trying to quit...maybe that will help you understand. But anyways I'm good...not touching it...I know it is not worth it! Its just not worth it for the work that has to be done to get it off of my fat self. Well its still the middle of the day and I have lots to do before going to work. Lord thank you again for this street stay stong and anyone else reading this and help me to stay on track. Tonight Chris and I are going to applebees please don't let me chose the wrong thing...keep up the good can do are stronger than this you have an advantage God is on your side pulling for you!!!
note-Chris and I went out and I ordered healthy and only ate half of the meal YAY!

November 9th, 07
Well today is going good so far, it is only the afternoon so I have a lot of the day left but I'm doing okay. I have already worked out. And that box of pizza is still in the fridge and I have not touched it. There is also my favorite candy bar sitting on the table that I walk by about a million times a day times a day and I have not touched it. I finished my left overs from dinner yesterday today.(Yeah surprise I actually had food left over from last night) So today is good. I'm not sure what else to type for now so see you later.

November 10, 07
It's the afternoon again. I'm currently watching the UofM game against Wisconsin and it not looking so good but its still early in the game. Last night Chris and I went bowling with friends, then went out to eat. I only ordered a half size oriental chicken salad from applebees...yes I am proud of my self again. Its great I'm doing good. Using the small plates is really helping me I mean I can fill the plate but not be over eating and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything because the plate is full. Maybe I'm crazy but that's just how my mind works. Well I'm going to get back to the game that we are losing! byebye for now! Lord help me through this day! Let me be a light for you!

November 11, 07
I'm getting ready to go to work but I promised myself that I would write in this thing everyday so here I am. I have not yet worked out today, no excuses but I had church this morning, I should have worked out after church but honestly I just felt like relaxing which I'm sure I'm going to kick myself in the butt for later since I will now be exercising tonight when I get home. So today I made a HUGE salad. And after taking a few bites I just didn't want any more. Yeah I know it wasteful but I threw it away, funny but i'm proud of myself for that. Normally since I made a huge salad I would just sit and eat the whole thing but insted I stopped once I had had enough and just threw the rest away. So yay me again today! Yes I am my own personal cheer leader so you can laugh at me but I have to be who else is going to recognize all the small stuff and cheer me on. I know I loos like an idiot when I say yay me but its how I feel, because only I know how hard it is for me to take these little steps so apparently only I can cheer me on for these small things. Lord thank you for your word this morning. Even though I am currently no a mom I learned so much fomr the teaching today. Maybe you wanted Chris and I to hear that before blessing us with the responsibility of placing another life into our hands. Thank you for being you! You are amazing God. I couldn't make it through each day with out you! I love you and pray that you use me today in any way you see fit. I praise you. Thank you for everything. With you all things are possible! So I know that one day I will be at my goal and what seemed to be impossible will all be made possible through you my Lord!

November 12th, 07
I don't have but a few minute to write today. I had a meeting at work this morning I came home had lunch worked out and now I'm typring but I still have to get in the shower so this shall be short and sweet. I did not work out last night when I got home from work. I had full intentions to do so but didn't get to it. I didn't get out of work till late and I was completely wore out. I did play football and basketball with the boys so maybe that could count as at least something but I didn't actually do my set aside work out time because the time I set aside was after work and I got out or work too late so I should have worked out before work. I'm still doing good with food so I just have to keep on this positive track. Thank you God for your blessings! Keep me strong!

November 13th, 07
Its early again getting ready to take a shower and get ready for work. Worked out this morning didn't sleep well till this morning because I was angry about something stupid. I'm doing well though. We had taco bell again last night and I again just ate Chris' left over tacos. I am very irritable today and Im not 100% sure why but I am. Hopefully I don't let it get in the way. I worked out this morning and added weights to a couple of the routines and my arms are killing which is a GREAT thing! Yeah sounds crazy that I am happy about the pain but pain is weakness leaving the body and it just tells me that I worked out hard today! Well I have to get going. Lord help me to stop being grumpy today. Let me shine your light and be a witness for you. You are Amazing God! By the way tomorrow is weigh day...please Lord let it be good I have been doing everything that I'm suppose to!

November 14th, 07
So today I'm SOOOO HAPPY!!! I lost 5.8 lbs this week YAY ME!!! Its finally coming off! This hard work is starting to show thank God! I'm in a hurry today so I don't have much time to write. But this is the motivation I needed this is my third week doing this and its finally showing. I'm not quite sure how I would have handled it if I didn't see at least something this week. I mean I would have kept on keeping on, but I would have been very discouraged. But YAY...lets keep it up! THANK YOU LORD!

November 15th, 07
I just got done with my work out and I'm feeling great. I worke up so late today though, probably because we went grocery shopping last night but still waking up late throw my whole schedule off in the mornings. It makes me have to rush to get things done, and it just gives me an excuse not to exercise...however I didn't use that excuse it just made me start the exercise much sooner because I was thinking you have no choice you HAVE to exercise so you better get moving! Gosh its nice to have my mind set this way. I defintely see that this is not a temporary fix, but a life time of change. Thank God that I'm realizing this now and not ten or more years from now. Being my mind set is changing now means I can instill this in my children and they wont use food for nothing more than fuel to their bodies. God knew I needed to change myself before I could be a good parent, and now that my mindest is changing I'm becoming more prepared every day. God help me through this day. In your name! AMEN! Also Chris and I are going to applebees know our normal thursday evening routine, lord give me strength to order healthy and to control my portions...THANK YOU!!!

November 16th, 07
Well today mom came into town YAY!!! We didn't go to applebees last night but we went today and mom and I split something! Today is great. I'm not going to spend much time on here because I want to spend time with my mom. See you tomorrow.

November 17th, 07
Today mom and I are going shopping. Oh and last night my AWESOME HUBBY got me a new protable DVD play. He is just great! We are doing lots today so I'm not sure how much I will get to write today. Bye for now!
Well today went great I made a huge dinner and only had the proper amount. I also turned down a cinabon! Yeah I'm doing awesome. Plus walked through the mall without getting tired and had energy to spare. Came home and did 2 workouts...yep Im on a roll...and yep I still have rolls Hey gotta laught at yourself soemtimes! God is good!

November 18th, 07
Wow I cannot believe that Thanksgiving is this week! Its crazy! Today has been great. I love spending time with my mom she is the greatest! It is so gerat that she has noticed my eating habits have changed and she is proud of me. It makes this ten times better. Life is Good! God thank you!

November 19th, 07
Today mom is going home but we had a great time. We looked through lots of exercixe videos and I realized that I have a long way to go I could harly keep up with them and then I was getting frustrated about it. Oh well at least I tried right. We worked out together and then mom headed back to Flint and I headed to work. Tomorrow is weigh day dont' forget...and keep you head up no matter what the scale says!

November 20th, 07
Well its early still and I just weighed. I lost one more pound. And I know one isn't a lot but its something and I'm happy about it. I can't sit and think gosh I have sooo much weight to lose, what does one pound mean. But it means a lot. First off I didn't gain and second off the scale went down which makes me happy. I'm working hard and its finally starting to show even if the scale isn't drastically dropping. Jsut got to think of it as one pound at a time. Not that I don't wish that I had lost 10 lbs but if I did that means I would have been doing something I couldn't keep up, at least that is the way it usually is. If you have a large weight loss in a short amount of time its usually through something that is not a life change but just a temporary one that you cannot keep up or is not healthy. But I feel that what I'm going through is a life change and therefore this weight is not going to return! Tomorrow is thankgiving and we are making a huge thanksgiving dinner for the boys tomorrow. Lord help me keep controlled and don't let me fall into temptation.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Journaling November 1st-7th, 07

November 1st, 07
Well I did good last night. I didn't touch any candy! YAY ME! Today we are making carmel apples one of my weaknesses so Lord help me to STAY AWAY! I'm doing good with portions still, its hard some times like yesterday I wanted to just sit and eat some chips with dip but I didn't with Gods help. I did not weigh myself today because I jsut refuse to do it every day now I don't want to be discouraged each day and I'm not going to let satan have that kind of control over me. I did exercise again today! This is becoming havitual which is awesome. I need it! I'm praying that we are going to get pregnant soon and I'm trying not to let it get me down if we are not. The hardest part of it is having to tell the hubby nope not this month either. His disappointment crushes me(even though he tries to act like its all good I can see through it), but I do know God is in control and will bless us with a child, probably many of them. I'm believing! Well thats all I have for today. God is good!

November 2nd, 07
So today I got to spend the whole day with my hubby YAY! Finally! Today was a good day. It was hard not to over eat but I did alright. I ate a little too much at one meal but I'm not going to beat myself up over it,it was just a little more chicken than I should have had, all I can do is not do it again. I don't have much to say. I'm still exercising and doing what I need to do. God is helping me as usual. Thank YOU LORD!

November 3rd, 07
Well I have been in this baby vibe for the past few days. Dreaming about having babies. Thinking of baby names. Looking at baby items whenever we go to the store and of course watching baby shows on TV. Not sure why...well I do know why because I want to be pregnant. But I need to focus on fixing me and what God wants for me. I feel great lately, super great! And I know God is going to bless us with healthy pregnancies and healthy children. His hand is always upon us. God continue to work in me! I'm trusting you and thanking you for everything!

November 4th, 07
Today has been a good day. Thank you Lord again for helping me control my portions and not going back for seconds, this continues to be tough but your stronger than all things and I know your helping me through. I praise you and thank you for everything. Help me to stay strong! I'm doing good with not missing workouts. I believe today is the ninth straight day in a row that I have worked out so yay me! God is Good as I always say! He is giving me the strenth to do what I need to do! God continue to work in me, make me the woman, daughter, sister, firend, wife, and mother that you would have me to be in Jesus name!

November 5th, 07
Well I got up early this morning with Chris. Did my work out. Had some worship time(which was GREAT). Then went to work. Today has been good! Although I'm thinking I'm starting my period which is disappointing but I still know withing my heart and soul that God is going to bless us with babies! I don't know how to explain it I just feel it. I'm still doing good with my food intake. Well thats all for now. Thank you Lord for this day!

November 6th, 07
Yeah totally looks like we are not pregnant this month but I'm still trusting God like I continue saying I know its going to happen. I have lots to do today. I did work out though...I thought I wouldn't have time but I told myself you have to make time if you miss today, then it will just start a trend and all I would have is excuses and I don't want to stay this way becoming a different person is very important to me which means exercising must be a priority! I found out yesterday that Krysta had fallen over the weekend which is just crazy because I had a dream about her this weekend and all it had her saying was pray for me. What an amazing gift I have been blessed with...I mean I have had people come to me in dreams before and I have prayed for them but the past few months I have had 3 confirmations that God is speaking to me directly to pray for people through my dreams. First was my friend Caleb, when I spoke to him at a friends wedding and I told him that I had had some dreams to pray for him he confirmed he was going through an awful time in his life, then next was Alexis and Eli when I had the dream that Eli passed away during bith because of the placenta detaching early, then next was Krysta this weekend. Lord Thank you so much for this gift. I will be obendient and pray! Lord thank you for this day. I give it to you. Also please continue to be with Street and help her through this time to stay strong(and anyone else who happens to read this). Continue to work in me and through me, making me who you want me to be. In Jesus name! AMEN! note don't forget tomorrow is weigh day!

November 7th, 07
So today was weigh day and I was not happy at all with the results! I didn't lose anything...didn't gain which is good but didn't lose. Talk about feeling like CRAP. But then when I saw street today she said that she could tell I was losing weight which was just the boost I needed plus today was the first real day of my period so mom says that is probably why(I think she is just trying to make me feel better, shes awesome). Today was a crazy day I was up at the butt crack of dawn went to work, ran around like a chicken with my head cut off and then got lost on the way to my work retreat...yeah that was funny. But anyways the retreat went AWESOME! We had nothing but positive feedback it was much better than last years...I couldn't of hoped it to be any better than what it was. And boy was I proud of myself. I didn't touch any of the junk food including the pizza which smelled amazing but I didn't touch it I had a little dip a coworker had made and had a slim fast! Yeah I I'm allowed to say that because you have no idea how difficult that was for me. I also worked 16 hours yesdterday so I didn't get to exercise...I know its not an excuse but ladies you already know how you feel when your on your period...then add only a couple hours of sleep and 16 hours of work and then you try to come home and work out...I really wanted to but I felt so weak...and if I had worked less hours I would have totally worked out...I know this sounds like excuses and yeah they are but I have to say they are good ones...I will just have to put forth super effort in my workout tomorrow.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Inspiration...they are for me....

This one I got out of my Daily Bread devotional and I just love it....
"Our lives are not made by the dreams we dream but by the choices we make."
-Joe Stowell
"With great victory comes great sacrifice"
"Shoot for the moon even if you miss you will still be up there with the stars"

Some myself...and maybe they can help you to..

When eating don't save the best part for last but eat it first. This way you have nothing to look forward to at the end of the meal so you stop eating when your satisfied and dont keep going just because the best is yet to come.

Portion everything out!

Make little east to grab portioned snacks!

When deciding how big the portion should be when it comes to crackers and chips etc. look at the serviing size on the box if the serving size is 6 crackers then only eat six crackers you can always have more at another snack time so 6 may not sound like many but it may be just enough to curb your appetite...and this way you don't over do it as you usually do!

I found the following in a magazine....
Skip all soda
Eat breakfast even if your not hungry
Use smaller plates and glasses-this really works well for me
Banish trigger foods from your home
Swap lowfat/sugar free foods for the ones you crave
Rate your hunger before deciding to eat
Dine out less often
Start your meal with soup, salad, or fruit
Eat meals with no distractions

Some things I tell say to may think I'm crazy after reading them...
Nothing is worth staying fat for! Especially not food!
Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!
No good thing happens over night!
Pain is weakness leaving the body!
Do you really want to be fat!
Does your family deserve to have to deal with you being fat!
Doesn't your husband deserve better!
Don't I deserve better!
How important is it to you to have a healty pregnancy and to be able to see your kids grow up and to run around and play with them
Get off you butt every day and work out!
What are you gaining by eating unhealthy foods
Every bit Counts

Seven common obstacles to Losing weight....check these out in detail at

Journal entries 10/24-10/31/07

My starting weight was recorded the end of September but I didn't officially start my "fat binder" until 10/24/07 which is when my journal entries they are....
October 24th, 07
Today I'm starting anew AGAIN! Will this ever work I'm not quite sure. I'm dying inside from this weight I carry. And that is just what it is WEIGHT! I cannot believe I have reached this point, I'm at the point that I use to say if I get that big just shoot me. This is unbelievable yet I see and live with it every day. So I am making this as accountability to myself and to God. I can't go on living and feeling this way. I'm scared of failure, but also scared of dying and most of all not being able to have a happy healthy pregnancy and have the child that I know my husband so wants as do I. So today I'm taking control...well with the help of God. I have hit an all time low in my life when it comes to how I feel about myself and how can I give love to the people around me who so deserve it when I'm in this place. I don't understand why my friends and family accept me this way, and I really don't know how my husband does, he is an amazing man...I am truly blessed. God I need help to get through and succeed and I know I cannot do it without you! I'm begging for help! I'm not sure how much longer I can put on a happy face and act like I'm okay with myself when in reality I'm so utterly disgusted whenever I look into the mirror. And whem I'm out I think that everyone around me must think how ugly I am. Please help me change this for me and for everyone who cares about me. So...HERE WE GO!

October 25th, 07
Today went pretty well. I heard on something today that there was no way for someone to lose weight with just eating 3 meals a day. You are suppose to eat throughout the day and not just sid and eat 3 large meals and nothing else. So that is exactly what I'm doing. Basically eating when I am hungry but portioning it. For example today for my snack I wanted triscuits and cheese. Now normally I will sit down with the box of triscuits and the block of cheese and just eat it. This time I cut 8 small pieces of chesse and got 8 crackers and left everything else in the kitchen. This really helped me know when to stop and I didn't even want anymore, however if I would have had the box in front of me I would have ate and ate. Also I am kind of proud of myself. Tonight Chris and I went to taco bell and normally when I go to taco bell I get a chicken quesadilla and a grilled stuffed burrito and I may even eat a few nachos along with it (yeah I know what your thinking what a fat pig...and your right)...however today when we went I definitely wanted to order that but insted when Chris gordered his combo meals I just ate the 2 extra tacos fromt hem(this is HUGE for me). I obviously have a super long way to go but I feel like the steps I am taking are the right ones. I know there is a long road ahead but I can't turn back if I turn back what is there for me besides no children, no life, not being able to do anything, and even if I have kids what will I be able to do with them, so there is absolutely no turning back. Food cannot be worth the loss of life and living life! I have to come up with a plan of what I am going to do whenever I feel the urge to eat something that I'm not suppose to. For now that plan is journaling, reading the bible, possibly having the things portioned before putting them up and maybe I could grab that insted. I'm not quite sure yet but I have to figure it out in order for this to work for me. My husband as always is a great support. And I know that he loves me just the way I am. But yet again I say I don't love me right now and I hate the way I am. So this is day 2 of the rest of my life! CAn I handle it...Well I better be able to or I wont be around for the rest of my life! Keep on KEEPING ON!

October 26th, 07
So today I am a little disappointed in myself. I mean I was very proud of myself at one point but then later crashed. So the hubby and I went to TGIF today. I ordered the 3 course meal. You get an appetizer, your meal and a dessert. Well I chose the healthy appetizer and the healthy meal and the cheesecake. I only ate a few bites of the appt. and helf of my salad and one bit of the cheesecake. Later on we went home and I completed the meal hoever I ate all of the cheesecake. I am so not happy about this. I should have had just the one bite at the restaurant and had Chris eat the rest of it. I am very disgusted with myself for falling into that. I mean the cheesecake was great but its not worth being FAT! So NO MORE SWEETS!!! I already know that the scale is going to go up tomorrow. I also did not exercise today. I will be honest I was completely lazy today and wanted to be...yet again I should have just done something especially since my fat butt ate that cheesecak gosh. Oh well crashed today...GET BACK UP TOMORROW!

October 27th, 07
Well its the morning of the 27th and yes I gained weight from that stupid cheesecake. That will teach me not to put that crap in my mouth again. I did however yesterday find a little cure for my seet tooth. Pop plain who grain popcorn in the air popper. Spray some low fat butter on it then sprinkle some cinnamon and splenda on it. It tastes great and is healty with no sugars!!! So next time I'm wanting cheesecake or coldstone creamery popcorn is the plan. I still con't believe I thought I could eat that whole piece of cheesecake and would still lose weight...oh well the past is the past I cannot change it but I can change what I do from here on out. So today I must be strong and fight the urse to eat things that I should not eat. I mean how bad do I want to lose weight right...bad enough to make soem sacrifices I just have to find the strength to do so. Gosh isn't it sad that I'm talking about how hard its going to be to sacrifice food...this sounds ridiculous. When did food become so important to me as in I feel I'm making a sacrifice. My mind set needs to change about food, it needs to be exactly what is it food and nothing more to me...I'm not sure at what point in my life it became more than food. I mean there is no reason that it should have. I haven't had a rought life. I havne' been abused or ever unloved. So really there should be no void that I am filling. And there isn't. So mindset needs to be food is food its here to give us envery and keep us fueled for out day but its nothing more than that!

October 28th, 07
Well its the afternoon of the 28th. Toda I am doing good I'm eating the small portions and just the right serving amount however I'm still feeling hungry today. I can't tell if its my mind or my stomach but I am resisting! I am very happy though, this morning I weighed again yes I know but I had to what it said after gaining weight after that cheesecake and I'm so happy to say that I lost the cheesecake wieght and I'm back to what I was the morning of the day I ate that so YAY! I have not yet exercised today I have been lazy, however I plan on exercising tonight...we will find out tomorrow if I followed through with what I said I was going to do. I mean if I con't what is my word really worth then right. Wel I don't have much to say today just I'm happy that I lost some wieght. And I'mstruggling with not going back to the kitchen for seconds but other than that I'm doing good and I haven't went back tot the kitchen for seconds so that has to be good. My hubby is doing a great job holding me accountable. I know it makes him uncomfortable but I love that he is doing what I asked him to do.He is amazing I'm truly blessed! Thank you Lord for blessing me so greatly! God id GOOD! And God is who is going to get me through so that I can succeed. Although I don't believe succeeding is just getting to a "goal" weight. I believe succeeding is changing my life style when it comes to eating. Finding out why food is so important to me. If I can change my drive for food into a drive for great things could happen. I mean I love the Lord and praise him for everyting. But I sit here and think if that passion I have for food was all directed to a passion for God...well just I guess today is the day we start to change that so focusing on food into focusing on the one who really counts. I need to pick up the word insted of picking up seconds. Gosh if your reading this you probably don't understand what is going on in my mind right now. But I just realized all the time I have wasted on desiring food, when my true desire should be God. I'm kind of in shock with myself really. So Lord Forgive ME!!! Change my heart! Change my passion! Chan ge my Desire! I'm following YOU!!!

October 29th, 07
Well so yes I did it. I worked out last night after work and after grocery shopping so YAY me. Not sure if I lost anything today because I didn't get even a second to weigh before going to work. I got called into work at 6:30 this morning. I took lots of small snack and did a great job of not over eating. After work I came home and worked out again(yay me). I then went back to work, then after work this time I went grocery shopping. I'm making my favorite lasanga. This will be a true test. CAn I portion it out and not over eat it???...YES I CAN and I WILL. Yes I like it but yeah I can have more tomorrow or the next day why would I think I need to eat a lot of it today...there is no reason for that. Its just food. I want my life more than I want that extra plat! God is Good and is helping me so greatly. Thank you Lord for providing me with a prayer partner when it comes to this weightloss I pray that you give her the stength as well. Well I don't have much to say today. So until tomorrow Good bye...keep up the good work!

October 30th, 07
So todays entry will be short and sweet. It is the end of the day and I'm very tired and don't feel like typing, however I told myself I would write in my journal every day so thats what I'm doing. Today we found out that I would be taken off Chris' insurance...this plain out sucks! Good news is that I had it while I did and that my surgery and all my tests from losing the babies were run while we had it. THANK YOU GOD! This also did not cuase me to go on an eating binge but made me think gosh girl you better get yourself in tip top shape and beome HEALTHY! Chris took this very hard and is stressing over it big time, maye I should be but I'm not. I'm leaving it in Gods hands and doing my part in finding out my other options. I hope Chris can give it over to God as well. God is sooo good. I did excellent with my protions today and I really hope the scale is my friend tomorrow so I have some evidence of the hard work I'm doing. I have been working out pretty much daily well the past 4 days which is big for me. So lets keep it up. Weigh tomorrow but don't get completely discouraged if it dosn't say what you want it to say just keep working hard. God will reward you and you will see the change. Dont forget to weigh weigh weigh int he morning!

October 31st, 07
Well I just weighed and I'm totally not happy. The scale didn't budge. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I am defintely not over eating. I am exercising every day so what is the freaking problem. I'm not quite sure. However I must keep doing what I'm doing and push through. Honestly this is probably just satan trying to make me fail and fall off track, and of course he uses my weakness to do so. But I'm stronger than that and satan has no hold on me. So yes I am disappointed and discouraged but this does not mean that I'm giving up on something that I know God will see me through. I'm changing my lifestyle, my eating habits so even if the numbers aren't fallin I'm becoming healthier and eventually the number will start going down. As for now maybe I should cut back a little on the carbs I do eat them a lot even though they are whole grain carbs but mayber I will have to switch a couple of them out for something else and see what happens then. Who knows. All I know is that I'm not over eating and I'm portioning things out and I'm proud of myself for that. I'm becoming a better person and I'm understanding mroe the role that food is suppose to play in our lives. Thank you Lod for this day. I'm not quite sure about this whole scale thing but I know you got things under control and satan is just attacking me. You are good and I know you will see me through! By the way today is halloween which is candy day...Lord don't let me fall into that temptation in Jesus Name! Amen! In addition to this I guess what Iw ill do is decrease the crackers and sun chips that I eat each day and replace it with protein. I will still have the crackers but maybe just once or twice a day insted of 3 times so I will get more protein in take than carbs.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Starting my web page...

Well today is the day that I start this web page in hopes of helping others and holding myself accountable at the same time. I will start adding my journal and other things that have helped me beginning tomorrow. All I have to say today is keep your head up. I know its a long journey believe me at 340 lbs right now I know I have a LONG way to go. But its not impossible I know I'm going to make it. All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me!