April 6th, 08
Today was happy and tough for me at the same time. I went to one of my best friends baby shower. it’s the first one that I have been to since miscarrying. I have some how avoided every baby shower until now. And I just could not miss this one. And what was I suppose to say I lost 2 babies over a year ago and I can’t come to your shower…yeah right. Talk about having a poker face. I’m pretty sure I covered up my true feelings quite well. I mean don’t get me wrong I was super happy for her…I love her and this baby and she deserves to be a mom. It had really nothing to do with that. And it wasn’t like I was feeling sorry for myself either. I guess I really don’t know how to put my feelings into words except for maybe heart break. But I just have to suck it up. It is what it is. Lord thank you for helping me keep it together today!